FML

For those of you that don't text, instant message, Facebook or have access to a teenager FML means Fuck My Life.

This is going to be brief, I'll give a full play by play when I'm feeling up to it. Wanted to come here to share all the info as I know family flocks here in times of WWW troubles.
Scott is still the same. He spent the day in bed. Kate went and played with Grandma and I took the train out of Barrington to play at the office and take some city pictures.
We all had a great day until after I picked up Kate. While headed home Kate and I were in a pretty serious car accident. I hit the car in from of us and the car behind me read ended us.
My car is totaled. Kate and I were both strapped down and taken to the emergency room via ambulance. Kate was an absolute angel. She was cleared pretty quickly and discharged with abrasions to her neck and chest from her car seat. It took a little longer to get me released. X-rays and lots of time on the back board before I was finally discharged with whiplash and abrasions. The air bag deployed into my arm and let me tell you, those things freaking hurt.

We're fine. Very, very sore but fine.
We brought home Kate's cervical collar so I could use it to talk to her about what happened. She promptly went into Scott's room gave it to him and said that it would help fix his "owie leg".
I'm so glad my sweet baby girl is snuggled into her own bed and I'm just right down the hall.
My mom will be with us for the night and probably most of tomorrow.

More when I feel up to it.
For tonight, I'm just going to be glad that were all home. As my Grams said tonight, maybe this is the only bit of bad luck we'll have this week and Scott's scan tomorrow will go great. Crossing my fingers and toes.

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Dodged a Bullet

Did you know that once upon a time, in a far away land called Iowa, my dad had a bullet bounce off his chest?

True story.

If I recall the story correctly (please correct me if I don't, Dad) my dad was working as an electrician. He was taking his lunch outside in his car in an alley. While sitting there enjoying his break, he heard a noise and suddenly the windshield was broken and he felt something hit his chest. Looking down, he realized it was a bullet. My dad wasn't hurt in anyway. I'm pretty sure he went back to work when his break was over.
My dad, Superman.

Scott and I are feeling a little like we dodged a bullet today. Not a literal bullet, like my dad's but a figurative one.
I took Scott to see his primary care doctor yesterday for some issues. She took one look at him, listened to his symptoms and told us we could wait for blood work to come back but she expected to admit him to the hospital for possible renal failure.
We left her office yesterday late morning and Scott began forcing fluids as much as possible, in attempts to re-start his system. I started cleaning, making sure all the bills and laundry were caught up and we both wanted to spend lots of time with Kate.
A family dinner was in order (delicious Kathy pesto - thanks Kath). Some play time and extra snuggles.

Got the call this morning that the blood work looked much better than expected. There isn't a simple answer to Scott's symptoms. But, for right now, he gets to stay home and be with his KatieBell. I'm watching him very closely. Much closer than even he realizes. I'm ready for anything he can throw at me but of course I'm hoping its a simple case of prolonged dehydration and protein deficiency.

We know that all his symptoms could be from an aneurysm. It's the white elephant in the room. We don't talk about it directly, but we're both thinking about the similarities to his previous arterial ruptures.

A little glitch in the road, a speed bump really. Didn't slow us down. Once we got word he was going to stay home, life returned to normal.
Kate and I made these. Blueberry Cinnamon Rolls. You MUST make them now! Do not delay. They are amazing. They have gotten rave reviews from most of the important men in my life.

We'll be pumping the weekend full of life.
Thanks for the reminder world. I heard you, loud and clear.

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Certainties

Life is filled with uncertainties, this is a certainty. From one second to the next we as humans really don't have a clue as to what may happen. Yeah, we may have our "plans" for what should happen but that doesn't mean that something doesn't come along and just tear those plans apart.

Today, I'm feeling overwhelmed by all of life's uncertainties. We've been given a heavy dose of them today. So in an attempt to refocus I present to you

.... drum roll please.....

Brandi's Top 10 List of Life's Certainties

1) If I wash my car it will rain. For those of you living in a drought state, my services can be purchased for the cost of airfare, food and lodging.

2) An unexpected touch from someone you love will make you smile. Doesn't matter if it's a playful slap on the ass from your lover or a kiss from your child, nobody can keep from smiling, even if it's just on the inside.

3) Homemade apple pie will make a shitty day better. Unless of course you're allergic to something in apple pie in which case, don't listen to me, I'm an idiot.

4) A child between the ages of 0-3 will find the packaging to a gift more fun than the actual gift.

5) My child will only want me to take her picture when I don't have my camera.

6) Regardless of what happens, the world will keep spinning, life will move on. Something to do with gravity or some such shit.

7) If you wear a fanny pack or have a mullet people will laugh at you.

8) If I cave in and make Kate a hamburger for dinner after days of listening to her begging, she will, once again, refuse to eat hamburger.

9) Turning off the alarm the before bed will guarantee a 5:30am wake up.

10) Declaring something a top 10 list will stop your brain from working after item 9 thus leaving you 1 point short for your list.

And there you have it kids, my short list of certainties.
What's on your list of certainties?

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My Side of the Street

I think everyone in the world has had a moment, or 10,000, when they look at their life in it's current state and think
"Wow, I wish I had..."
or
"Life would be better if..."
or
"Mrs. Jones has it better because..."
or
"Anything is better than this."

Most of the American society just isn't pleased with their station in life. We all want more. More money, more free time, more appreciation, more love, more passion, more understanding, more compassion...MORE.

I'm all about more with most things. More turkey does indeed make a better sandwich. More time doing the things that make my heart sing. More time spent in the embrace of those that I love the most.
But sometimes the "MORE" idea just isn't better.

When we're not searching for more, it seems were searching for different. Now different isn't as tricky as more, in my opinion. Different can be a hair color, hairstyle, different nail polish, different study subject, different challenge.
The problem with different comes when different is so large it
1) cannot possibly be attained
and or
2) chasing the "different" becomes such a distraction you cannot focus on what you have in the here and now.

You are probably asking yourself why I'm running at the mouth like this. Taking liberties as to what most of society is thinking. You might even be feeling like I'm acting a little "high and mighty". You're right on both accounts. I am taking liberties with society as a whole and I am acting like a moral compass. It's my blog and that's what I get to do here.
I'm not doing this to challenge anyone other than myself.

You see, this Monday brought it's usual amount of frustrations but along with those battles came a bad case of the "I want more/ I want differents". Ugh, I fucking hate those moments, those days. I want to wave a magic wand and just be happy with what I have and where I am. After all, I have a pretty good life.
I have a husband that loves me more than anything. A daughter that is the light of my life and a really great kid. A few true friends that would walk through fire for me. A roof over my head. My family is all together. And as an extra special bonus 2 Starbucks with drive-thrus only 10 minutes away.
What more could a girl ask for?

I would ask for more moments like these.


The weather clearing and cooling just enough for Scott, Kate and I to get outside and play some baseball.


No trip outside is complete now without a "race" between Scott and Kate. So glad I wasn't too distracted with my desire to have more time so I could properly maintain my landscaping.

If I was too busy thinking about how being in California would fix all of my problems, I would have missed the cute photos that our "rain delay" offered.


Good thing I wasn't consumed by my need to look "perfect" for the camera, I would have missed out on my baby girl taking this wonderful photo.


I spent entirely too much time today wishing I could have what other people have. Wishing I had a husband that could walk. A husband that I could share the burdens of life with. A family that more closely resembles that of what Kate sees on TV. I thought about how a trip to Cape Cod or California or really anywhere, would take away my woes. I thought about how if we could just sell this house all of our problems would be fixed.

The reality is, a different house, a different location, a different family unit will not cure my ills. Sure it would give me something new to obsess over, it would surely distract me for awhile from my "real" problems but it wouldn't really solve anything. At the end of the day I would still have heartache, setbacks, failures and inadequacies. It's what makes us human. And this blog is a reminder, a testament if you will, to that.
May I never forget to be grateful for all that I have. May my moments of envy be fewer and my moments of full embrace be more prevalent.
The next time I'm looking across the proverbial street thinking about how green the grass is I want to think about this post, re-read it, look at these pictures and remember that I have so much to be overwhelming grateful for. My side of the street is the best side of the street and I hope all of you see that your side of the street is just as fantastic as mine.
It may not be Barbie's Dream House but it's my house and I love it, weeds and all.

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2 for 1

Two posts one day you lucky dogs.

This post will be short and sweet. I just wanted to ask for some well wishes, prayers, love, whatever you would like to share, for one of my oldest and dearest friends Sere.
If you've checked out the other blog you're familiar with her. If you really know me you know her, we've been best-ies since freshman year in high school (circa 1991). She was the matron of honor in my wedding and I happily stood by her when she married in Hawaii a few years ago.
She now lives in rural southern Illinois where tonight their farm suffered a devastating fire in the machine shop right next door to their home. Everyone is fine but the building is a loss, as are all the tools and equipment.
As a farming family these items are critical to their livelihood. It's unclear how the fire started as of yet (it's only been a few hours). Everyone is just thankful that nobody was hurt.
So please, send some extra love their way. Sere, Jonny, Colton and the rest of the family could use some of the special love that the blog readers here have.

Finally, here's a teaser photo for some of the ones that will be forthcoming tomorrow.

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Stupid Freaking Phone

**Post contains graphic information be warned**

Pulling into the parking garage the phone rings, its the charge nurse telling me I need to run. I seriously hate the phone right now.
Sprinted (in high heeled boots because I'm an idiot) up 2 flights of stairs, through the lobby down the hallway of hell and into Scott's room.
I pull open the door and am paralyzed by fear. The room is packed, Dr.'s, nurses and a crash cart. Scott is practically upside down on the bed and there is blood everywhere. Push past the people, squish through the blood and go straight to Scott.
Dr. Ben and Dr. N (the other vascular fellow) are standing next to Scott. Once again Scott is the color of the sheets. I tell him I'm here, he whispers something to me. Again I'm standing at the head of his bed, talking about stupid things. Giving Scott reasons to fight. I tell him about the comments here (I need more please), I tell him about K going back to school today after being gone for almost 2weeks, I tell him about sushi night and the weather.
They are giving him blood products, trying to balance him back out. Scott is responding. He's getting ready to go back to IR to get a line placed (they have minimal access at the moment).

This all started because Scott coughed. A silly stupid cough. He can't even cough hard with his trach, it's more of a throat clearing. I'm buying stock in Halls and sandbags. Apparently we can't do without either.

Dr. Ben has given Scott orders to not have any other bleeding issues for 24 hours. I'm hoping Scott can follow Dr.'s orders. If we make it to 23 hours I'm going to make Dr. Ben add on another 24 hours. Scott won't listen to me so maybe he'll listen to someone with authority.



The countdown has begun....22.5 hours to go....

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