Frustration

Tonight I'm feeling a strange combination of anger and gratitude.

Scott is doing "fine". I left to come home for dinner and bedtime with Kate. Tom and Ann were troopers and jumped in to come sit with Scott for a short while tonight to make me feel better. Thanks guys!

As my Grandma told me tonight "I picture Scott in this giant circle of hugs and love". It's so true. Scott has so many of his wonderful friends and family surrounding him with love. His doctors and nurses, many of whom have become family, rally by his side every time he tries to do something stupid.
Everyone that meets Scott loves him. His charm, his humor, his integrity, his patience, his witt, his grace. He's an amazing father and a girl couldn't ask for a better husband (I know these things). I have never meet a nicer human being on this earth.

Which brings me to the angry part. Why in the world is this man being tortured? Why can't he catch a break? Why do I look at a photo of a man wanted for murder that looks perfectly healthy while Scott fights day after day, hour after hour?

There is no reasonable answer to these questions. I'm not trying to rain on anyones parade. I certainly am grateful that he's still here fighting the good fight but for FUCKS sake. This man, my husband, deserves to be at home laughing with me as we talk about Kate's latest wild escapade. He doesn't deserve to be alone in the hospital.

I'm sorry this post is so bitchy. I just know that Scott isn't finished yet. I know there is more illness brewing on the horizon, I can smell it.

Alright, enough of the whine fest. Going to sleep in hopes of dreaming a beautiful dream where Scott is playing peek a boo with Kate. I assure you there is not a more beautiful sound on earth then the two of them laughing together.

Rant over.

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More of the Same

Just talked to Dr. Jacobs. Scott did well through surgery. They removed more blood clot but this time there was no real active bleeding.
They filled the entire cavity with Bio-Glue, coating everything. Scott's incision won't close all the way any longer. They are having to get creative in closing it.
Hoping this is the last time they have to go in. Next time it would be very difficult because of all the glue.

Scott will be in SICU for a while again. He's in room 511 which I HATE. Nothing but bad horrible, God awful experience in that room. I want him moved but being in a quad is worse so I'll just swallow my silly superstitions.

Thanks for all the love guys. You're all helping keep him safe.

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Punch Card

Scott just headed back for surgery #4 on his leg.
I'm wondering if they have a buy 3 get one free or maybe some type of punch card program.

More bleeding in his leg. Dr. Jacobs and Dr. Ben are with him. Nate and Brett are back as our nurses and I'm back in the waiting room. Seems like this is just the way the universe wants us to be.

I am so very grateful that we had this weekend. Scott got a chance to eat, sleep and be with Kate. It makes him strong going into surgery.

I'll keep updating.

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Again

Just got a call Scott is going back to SICU. He's bleeding again. I don't know many details but I wanted to update on my way out the door.


I hate being right.

It SUCKS!

More as soon as I know something.

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Mostly Routine

Had some visitors again.


Kate was entertaining Scott, Aunt Lynn and my mom with her binocular obsession.



My Uncle LaVerne wanted to be a piece of furniture.


And Bonnie (who has managed to stay out of photos) brought some serious re-enforcements.


It took all the will power I have to not slam that bottle of wine. I've been feeling particularly testy today. Stupidity is just not something I tolerate well and it's seems like I've been seeing a lot of it.

Scott was up again in a chair. This time for 1:40. He was very, very done by the time we got him back into bed. His heart rate was through the roof and he was in tons of pain. This is where you should reference the above stupidity comment. When I say he's getting uncomfortable and we need to move him don't go hide in the bathroom for 25 minutes. Go get another 2 people and move him you freaking morons.
I wish I could just move him myself but he's still heavy from all the fluids and I can't lift him and keep his leg safe.

In other Witt family news - I have lost one of our cats. Our precious Becky - the good one, not the evil cat that put Scott in the hospital for 3 days a few years back. I haven't seen her in two days. She's strictly an indoor kitty and doesn't really try to escape especially when it's cold outside. I've looked everywhere. Scott is so upset (as am I). I'm hoping she's found a really good hiding spot and is just mad at me.

When it rains in this house it freaking pours. And tonight I'm over it.

****************UPDATE***********************

Late breaking news - Becky has been found. Thank God! She's was just so mad at me for Scott being gone that she wouldn't come out and hid in a very deep, very dark corner of a closet.
Thanks Mom for finding her when I had called off the search.

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Phew-

I'll let some pictures tell the tale of the last 36 hours



Scott sat in a chair yesterday and again today. Totaling almost 3 hours. This is his best pose.



Lots of visits from our favorite doctors. Poor Dr. Ben he's the only one I have photos of. He so humors me.



Some great friends came for a visit Friday night. Becky, Rob, Mark, Jay'me Josh and Dan all braved the cold and Chicago "L" train to hang with us.



Jay'me made Scott some delicious homemade, all scratch pot pies.






Jay'me also made this beautiful poster for all of Scott's visitors, doctors and nurses to leave notes on. I want the talent that this woman possess in her pinky. It's seriously hard being her friend.



A much needed visit from Kate.



All is right with the world - Baby Girl and her Daddy watching a movie together.




And finally a room transfer.
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We also got a visit from Aunt Lynn and Uncle LaVerne but I'm brain dead and didn't take any photos of that. Maybe during tomorrows visit with them....

Scott is doing well. His leg is the same pretty much. He wound is giving us some small trouble but it's nothing we can't handle just a small set back in trying to get him really moving.

Being on 8 is fine but we still miss our SICU family. I always rest best when he's there. Yes, I was spoiled - so what....
Scott's room change was made so he could be closer to the nurses station, just in case. That does help me rest a little better this evening.

All the Witt's are tucked in for the night. Hopefully we'll all stay that way. We continue to feel so blessed for all the love we've received.
We're hoping that Dr. Ben is enjoying his time with his family, that Dr. Jacobs and Dr. N aren't working too hard tonight and that all of our friends and family are safe, happy and healthy - let us carry the drama for everyone. Lord knows we have enough of it.

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Mini-Update

Spent 17 hours at the hospital yesterday. That has no comparison to the 10 days Scott has spent there. But by the time I got home I just didn't have the energy to update.
Scott did great yesterday. We had a group of friends come for a visit (more on that later).
The plan is lots of rest for Scott. Rest, food and healing. That's it.
The plan for me is to get KT out of bed for the first time since last Thursday (I'm listening to her singing on her monitor now - the sweetest sound ever).
KT and I will be going up to the hospital shortly. We'll spend some time there and then I'll be leaving mid-afternoon.
Hopefully, Scott will behave and we'll be able to do the same thing on Sunday. Nothing happens on the weekend unless it's an emergency so I won't have to worry about catching Dr.'s and being around for test etc.
Anyone in the area wanting to visit is welcome to come. It's much easier to visit now. Scott is still exhausted but seeing friends and family really helps him heal.

Scott also has a phone in this room. I'm not going to publish the number for the entire world to see but anyone wanting it is welcome to get a hold of me and I'll pass it on.
Calls, visits, hugs, love, Internet messages, cards, and sticky notes with Get Well Soon Scotty are much appreciated. They really help us keep our eyes on the prize. Since we have no real direction and we're just waiting it's easy to lose faith.

More later - there is a beautiful little girl waiting for me.

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The Eagle Has Landed

We're up on the floor



Scott's resting and enjoying his private room. It's quiet, almost to quiet for me.

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Scott did well sitting up. He was in the chair for over an hour. Transferring him was interesting. We had Nate and Brett to help out, thank goodness.

This is Brett. Everyone say "Hi Brett"

Scott has no real use of his left leg. It's bothersome to both of us. His leg is still so uncertain. It's pink, we have pulses but he can't use it and it's very swollen. We're just going to wait and see what happens.
Those of you that know me well know I don't really "do" the wait and see thing.
I guess I have no choice but I'm antsy. I have to keep in mind that Scott has a 12'' long gash on his thigh, they cut the muscle and tissue - it's going to take time.

BE PATIENT BRANDI

There I yelled at myself.

So for now, we're hanging out. Living the dream.

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Our First Giveaway - winner

It's not 11 but the winner is.


Mark (aka Jay'me) with

Scott sitting in a chair ????????????



Jay'me you're the proud winner of something really great...really, really great.....


More to come soon.

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Our first giveaway

First correct answer gets a prize. I don't know what the prize is just yet but I'm not real big on details.

What's this?


I'll be back around 11 to see who the lucky winner is.

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This is Nate

We meet Nate during our stay in 2008. Nate was just finishing his mentoring to become a SICU nurse.
Nate was with us the night I had to stand between Scott and the Dr. to keep Scott from being intubated. That night Nate would quietly sneak in being cautious to not wake a very sick Scott. He'd sneak around complete his work and leave the room silent as a mouse. He even offered us his finance books to help bore Scott to sleep.

A few short week later, Nate was having his first solo day in SICU. Scott was Nate's first solo patient discharge.

Just 3 days ago Nate was there the third time Scott started bleeding. Nate quickly jumped onto Scott's bed and pushed all 165lbs of himself onto Scott's leg to get the bleeding to stop. Pushing himself so hard his arms would ache later.


And tomorrow with any luck Nate will be there to help get Scott sitting up in a chair and discharge Scott for a second time.

Nate, we love you like family. You have gone from a scared rookie to one of the most decisive, caring, intelligent, compassionate, funny nurses we've ever had. We're so glad you're there and you're never allowed to leave.

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Barbara, Barbie, Barb - don't worry Birthday Girl we haven't forgotten about you. Me and my Nikon will come hunt you down when you're finished enjoying your birthday weekend.


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Oh and sorry kids but Nate is taken. But Barb isn't....
It's my blog and I'll play matchmaker if I want too.



Stay tuned tomorrow Scott will be sitting in a chair....

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The Sun is Shining

Scott had a pretty good night. He managed to get some sleep. He continues to struggle with some delusions. This morning he was getting ready to go to a bowling outing and couldn't find his pants or shoes. The boys hasn't bowled in a few years and we weren't discussing bowling at any point yesterday. It's just his strange little mind working.
Other than the delusions he's doing well. Dr. Ben snuck in before I got here and removed the sandbag from Scott thigh. He still has the saline bags but we're moving in the right direction. We're just going to cautiously move one teeny tiny step forward at a time.
We're talking about going up to the floor today. SICU translation - moving to the 8th floor and out of SICU
As you can imagine I'm totally stoked - solo room, means Scott is more stable, easier visiting, better sleep etc.
And I'm totally completely terrified - Scott can go from A-OK to gushing blood and bottoming out in 15seconds. If he's here they can handle a crisis like that - upstairs not so much.
I completely trust Dr. Chad, Dr. Ben and Dr. N. If they think he's ready then I will roll with it. I just end up feeling like I need to be around more often which causes some stress.

We're also going to be getting him up and moving. For me the right balance would be to get Scott moving here (SICU) (just in case movement causes issues) and then transfer him to the floor if he handles that well.
I'm typically not a cautious person - I fly in small airplanes, I love riding fast on Harley's, at 24 I chose a career in a very uncertain risk filled field - I'm not risk adverse at all but when it comes to this I become filled with fear and trepidation.
Good thing the Dr.'s keep it real for me. And good thing I love them so much.

Today could be an interesting day. I'm hoping it's a good interesting.

At least we have Nate as our nurse today. He'll make things easy.

Crossing my fingers and swallowing my fear.

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You all rock! The thoughts, prayers, love, well wishes etc. are working their magic.
You amazed Dr. Ben today. While standing bedside with one hand on Scott's sheath site (this was during the "cool down" period), he decides to check the blog on his BlackBerry. He was so impressed to see all the comments you guys had left after my 10am post. Scott and I wouldn't be where we are tonight without all of you. You, our friends, you, our family and you, our doctors. Does anyone know a more powerful version of the word grateful? Because that's it.

Here's a peek at what Scott was up to this afternoon



You could say that Scott was quite happy to be really eating again but that would be an understatement.

More rest ahead for Scott. We'll be trying to get him up and moving in the next couple of days. Scott is terrified. He's totally over being flat on his back (can't blame him it's been 7 days) but he's totally scared that if he tries to move everything is going to fall apart on him. We'll take it slow and I'll use some of the comments as incentive to get his butt in gear.
Scott's foot - what can I say about Scott's foot? While it looks better today than yesterday we are still quite unsure on what is going to happen with it. There are numerous different scenarios. We just have to wait and see, particularly when we get him up and moving.
Scott's mental state - this afternoon was much better. We changed up some of his pain meds and Mark S and I are working on a plan to help keep Scott sane. It involves movies, a fan and lots of Single Malt Scotch (just kidding about the scotch Dr. Ben). I'm hoping I don't end up back at the hospital tonight to help Scott cope. If he needs me I'm there no questions asked but I'm hoping he doesn't need me - know what I'm saying?

I got more time with Kate tonight and I got some delicious homemade empanadas (shout out to the baby brother and sister in law). The empanadas were on top of Kathy's (she was one of our fantastic nurses at JRB during our 08 stay that for some strange reason still likes us) scrumptious banana bread. I'm so going to get fat with this stay.

Feeling the love!


PS Frama boys - I totally owe you a coffee cake. It can be a rental payment for keeping our Envoy for a week. Thanks again. Scott will be glad to know you're rooting for him.

PPS - I still totally have to get around to the "understanding history" post. I'm working on it.

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***whisper***

Things are looking good. Dr. Ben (fantastic as usual) held pressure for a full 60 minutes then slowly lessened the pressure until wham, freedom. Scott tolerated it well (knocking on wood). Feeling so much better.
We've got a pressure dressing and some external pressure in the form of a few saline bags just as a precaution.

Thanks for all the love. Planning a quiet day of rest, food and lots of healing.

The road ahead is long but with each moment that passes things get a little brighter.

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10am

They are pulling the sheath at 10am. Please, please keep Scott in your thoughts. We're prepared for the worst and hoping for the best.
I'm going to set up the KT videos for Scott to watch. Keep him focused on the good.

Here we go.....

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For Real

I might just have to smack Scott. I gave up on his leg yesterday. It was cold, painful, blue.. all the bad things they say to watch for. And now this morning. It's pink (well pinker), they have faint tone (pulses) and it's not as painful. Good heavens. All the love - it's working! Keep it coming.

Scott ate half a hot dog last night. I'm sure it was the best hot dog ever. Reminds me of our second date. Cubs game, hot dogs....nothing better.... even with mustard.

Scott continues to struggle with being here. He's battling what's referred to as ICU psychosis. All the beeps, not moving, medications, constant noise, not enough sleep - starts to make you nuts. Scott's having delusions and he's got some confusion. When I'm around he rests pretty well because I can be there to help calm him when he has a "delusional episode".
I've got the nurses working on getting us a private room. It's really difficult here to get a private room so we'll see. I know that they are going to do everything they can to help us out. Everyone here loves Scott and just wants him to get better.

Sometime this morning*ish Dr. Ben is going to pull the sheath in Scott's groin. They have decided to do it bedside. To be honest folks, that idea makes me want to vomit. The last two times (which was during our stay in 08) they tried to pull the sheath Scott nearly died. The last time, he stopped breathing and had to be intubated and I saw his heart rate hit 18 before I looked away.
But, today is a new day. Today is not those days. Scott is strong. Scott is surrounded by love. Today will be smooth. Today will be nothing but recovery.

But just in case, I made him NPO (no food) until after the removal. The Dr's said he can eat but I'm thinking no. And right now - I win.

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Shhhh

We're very close to having 24 hours without a major event of course, I knocked on wood . If Scott can get make it until midnight is will be his first day out of the OR in 3 days.
I just called SICU and checked on him. Nurse Sara reports that he's resting comfortably and doing lots of sleeping. He needs it.

Date Night
I had a date with the most beautiful person in the world.


When she wasn't scratching her ass she was kicking mine at Hi-Ho-Cherry-o. Lucky kid.

Having had a day to breathe today has been equal parts good and bad for me. Good because I witnessed the scene above first hand. I got my favorite meal in the entire world (Tuffano's tortellini Alfredo) with my best buddy. I could relax just a tiny bit.
Bad because without some drama I had a moment to look forward and see what's on the horizon. I had a chance to reflect on the events of the last few days and re-live a few of the worst moments.
Don't get me wrong the good out weighs the bad and I wouldn't change a calm day for anything but....

Most importantly though, Scott had a good day. Doesn't matter what happens with me, all that matters is keeping him healthy and strong in spirit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lots of people have asked if there is anything they can do. I've called in a few of those offers and would like to ask for another if I could. I would love to set up a Flickr type account where everyone could load their photos of Scott. I have a Flickr account but know nothing about how to make it available for anyone to post to. I've been trying to research it for days and just can't seem to find the time. Does anyone know how to set this up or feel up to the challenge?
Photos and stories are such a huge resource to me right now. I know from having gone through this before that we've got a long road ahead. Having tons of photos from the different times in his life would be such a great tool.
Anyone, anyone????


We are loving all the comments. I haven't read him all the horrible jokes that you guys have so graciously provided, I'm keeping those for a bad day. We love all the stories, positive thoughts and brief glimpses into more normal lives. Don't stop now. Lots of hurdles to come - we need you.
If / when they have to take Scott's leg he's going to have the biggest fight of his life. I can feel it, it's like a rock in the pit of my stomach. It's nice to not feel like we're fighting alone.

Simply.... thank you.....

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Good Morning Time for a Healthy Breakfast

Scott got his first sip of substance. Yes, I got a photo I'll share it soon. A vanilla Boost drink. It's not much but it's all he's had besides ice chips and tiny sips of water since last Tuesday.
The plan for today is to have Scott rest, "eat", recoop and try to balance out his blood levels.
His vitals are good and hopefully they stay that way.

Scott's leg doesn't look good. I don't think anyone wants to say it but we're rapidly losing hope.

Moving forward - they have to remove the sheath that's in Scott's artery in his groin. They are going to do that in the OR, probably tomorrow. As any surgery for Scott it's bound to be complicated and involved. sigh
We're going to keep watching his leg. I'm not sure how long we'll give it until a decision is made. I'm guessing maybe tomorrow on a decision but not sure on when an amputation would be performed (if it has to be).

We're hanging in. Scott has lots of drugs, some of which are making him wacky well.. wackier. We're switching him to Morphine to see if it helps. I managed a few hours of sleep and a shower.

For those that asked about blood donation. Scott is A+ blood type. It is possible to do a direct donation but it's very involved and not necessary at the moment. While I tease that Scott is running them out of blood product, he's really not.
But it's very important to keep replenishing the blood, platelet and plasma supply not only for Scott but for all the other people that need it as well.
More information can be found through http://www.lifesource.org/

I'm pretty sure Mark and Dan are coming for a visit around lunchtime. I'll be leaving during lunch time to take care of a few things. I'll be staying in the area and visiting again before I head home for the evening. I have a date with a beautiful little girl tonight.

Hoping for a quiet day and if it's not too much to ask another miracle for his leg.

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Looney Tunes

Scott came out of anesthesia a little looney. He's very confused. He knows all the important information but he's disturbed. Of course they are watching him closely but the general consensus is that it's from all the anesthesia meds in the last 3 days paired with his blood loss.
He told me he forgot he was in surgery and when they brought him out he though that he was at a Christmas party and all the things (pumps, iv's, oxygen, vital tram) on the bed were presents. He said he thought they were opening his gifts and taking them.
Those must be some drugs they give back there.

His pressures are good, still no tone (pulse) in the foot, heart rate is good, no crazy bleeding, all in all not bad - considering.

I've got him listening to his IPOD trying to chill. Ok, now he's drumming all over everything he can reach. What a nut. I'm hoping this passes soon, he needs to rest and honestly it's scary.

Thanks for all the love, may I please have some more.....

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Bio Glue

Scott's leg is filled with Bio-Glue. I haven't yet Googled but I'm told it's pretty bad ass.

Surgery went not so well. Scott's femoral artery disintegrated in Dr. Jacobs hands. There was no hope of saving it. They tied it off. The femoral artery is the main supply (and in Scott's case the only supply) of blood to the leg and foot.
Things didn't look good. We've learned to never count out Scott - we don't know what he's capable of.
Please, Scott is having a really hard time fighting, I need all of you to send a message. Even if we don't know you directly I need you all to help me raise Scott out of this and give him reasons to keep fighting.

I have to add a special shout out to Ann S. The girl came over, got my keys, took my car filled it with gas, came back and has put up with me and my non-stop talking. Oh and let's not forget the fantastic dinner she brought over. Such amazing friends we have.

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