Lasts

I've been going through pictures to get things ready for the big event Saturday. There have been so many of them that have come up on my screen that I haven't been able to close. I've just stared at them. Looking at every detail. Remembering every second. Transporting myself back to those moments. The moments when he was here. When he was real. When his laugh echoed and his smile warmed a room.

His last fishing trip. His last musky.

His last Fathers Day. Spending every moment with his "Bug Face".

His last time without oxygen.



And his last photo.

I sat with this photo up for the longest time the other night. I stared at it. Marking every detail of his face. Staring into his eyes, struggling to remember the exact spots where the gold flecks were.
I sat and sat.
Then I started talking. I talked like he was here. I told him all the things that were bothering me. All the things that have been going on. I told him what I made for dinner because Kate had asked for "broccoli, fruit and eggs". I cried to him that I didn't know what to do about some of the things ahead of Kate and I.

And for just a moment... I know he listened. I could hear him. I could feel him and all the things that I've been missing were gone.