Oh the places we go

There are so many ways to grieve. Every person has their own response, their own way. No two ways are exactly alike. Something I've learned in this process is that aside from things that are completely and totally self sabotaging, there is no right way or wrong way to mourn a loss.

Part of my grieving (and Kate's by default)is to keep busy.

Too much idle time, is just that too much. Too much time to think. Too much time to miss. Too much time to dwell. Too much emptiness.

So, we go. We zoo. We work. We swim. We dip our bodies in the lake.

We try new things and cling to the things that reminded us of Scott.

Old Threshers was for Scott.

He could spend hours, upon hours cruising around Old Threshers, looking at tractors, horses, old cars. He loved to sit in the stands and watch the tractor parade roll by. Marveling at all the different kinds of tractors. Trying desperately to pick a favorite.

Truth be told though. Scott's favorite part of Old Theshers was talking to all the people. He could sit and talk with my Uncle Laverne, my Aunt Lynn, their friend Dave, the other friends and family that would come any given year for hours on end. When in doubt you could find Scott chatting with some stranger asking him a thousand random questions about his tractor. Scott's way to engage people, to really care, to really listen... God, I miss it.

I wasn't sure we were going to go to Old Threshers. I literally waited until the two hours before we left to decide. The idea of going without him, I just didn't think I could bear it.

On the heels of the weeks before, I thought being there, being in a place that was so "Scott" just might be what broke me.

Thinking about it gave me night sweats. I just couldn't imagine doing it without him. Two years ago when we went, he rolled around in the rented scooter thing and saw everything. He got to go everywhere. Do anything he wanted. It was perfect. But, there would be no more perfect. Just a giant hole.

Even with the last minute decision, my "team" rallied. Mom and Dad drove.

Sere drove an hour from her house so that I wouldn't feel out of place with my big ass camera.

Saskija and S2 brought the girls. Aunt Marie, Uncle Ron. Everyone rallied.

We talked about Scott. We remembered past trips. We enjoyed the beautiful day, just like he would want.

The kids took center stage this time. Watching Kate play with her two little cousins. Asking Talise if she would be her "best friend". Riding ponys until we ran out of money.

My girl, loves Old Threshers as much as her dad did. She could have spent days there.

So could Raina. You would think Raina was born on a horse the way that girl acted.

We made it through the trip. We more than made it through, we rocked it. We enjoyed it. We made new memories. Laughed at old ones and did what Scott would have wanted us to do.

Post a Comment