When good isn't good enough

Kate and I have had a great weekend. It's been filled. Non-stop, jam packed, filled. Not with things to do, though there have been plenty of that, but filled with love.

I feel like I've woken up. I've been waking before the alarm and going to bed before midnight. My workouts have increased in intensity, I'm eating better, Kate and I are in sync. It's almost like stepping out of a fog.
I can't explain it. I don't know if it will last. But I know that I'm enjoying every second of it for as long as it lasts.
We busted out the pool passes for the first time of the season on Friday. Spent 3 glorious hours soaking up with warm (HOT) sun while chilling in the cool water with our great friends Nicole and Brandon. We simply cannot wait to go back again. I'm not a "pool girl" but this place is just right for Kate and I.

I think some of my mood change is in part due to the visit to New China with a few of those that are nearest and dearest to Scott and I. Going to New China was my idea. I wanted to go to a place that we all love so much. A place that was a second home to Scott for many years. His version of Cheers.
Scott knew that menu like no other. It was the only place that he didn't have to look at the menu.
If we allowed it Scott would spend hours studying the menu at restaurants. He was also known for making a choice and changing his mind before the waitress could walk away. He loved food so much and he always wanted to have the best thing on the menu.
Scott was the New China master. No matter how large of a group we would get together (think +14 people) Scott would order for everyone. He had it mastered. The perfect appetizers, plenty of entree choices, he could even take care of your drink if you wanted.
I know Scott was there with us on Friday night. He sat right next to me and whispered our order in my ear. I could absolutely feel him. The smile and laughter just came so naturally after that, so easy.

Something else that's now much easier, my hair. (My segue needs work huh?) Saturday morning, I chopped off about 6 inches. Freeing myself from the weighty, length that was strangling me. Sitting in that chair, feeling the first cut, telling my hairdresser about losing Scott and not losing it myself, I instantly felt better.
Spending the rest of the day with my family, celebrating my Dad's birthday was just the icing on the Saturday cake.

Kate and I were too perfect peas in a pod today. Spending all day working in the yard, planting flowers, grocery shopping, doing laundry, washing floors, cleaning bathrooms, reading books, playing, making lunch and dinner. We were perfectly balanced. She was excited to play alone when she needed to and was a great helper when she could be. No tears (from her anyway), no whining, no time outs, no drama. Just perfect ease.


This weekend was exactly what I needed it to be. I know this week is going to be tough. Scott's birthday is Wednesday and then Saturday will bring what Scott loved to call his "burial at sea". The last physical piece I have of him will be gone. Scott will finally be home. His ashes will be sprinkled over the lake he loved most, with the boys that he spent all his time with, there to see him off. I'm not ready. I'll never be ready.