Time, Space Continuium

I can't hardly believe June is almost over already. Seems like just yesterday it was Kate's birthday and I had all these grand ideas of how we would spend our summer.
Mentally I planned, swim classes, bike rides to the beach, zoo trips, baseball games, nights spent catching fireflies and eating watermelon on the front porch letting it drip off of our chins.
I'm already feeling like a failure. Yeah, we've done a lot. We hosted a huge party with bounce house, good food, live music and lots of love. We've blown bubbles until our lips turned blue and colored the driveway with all the colors of a rainbow with our sidewalk chalk. But, we've also spent a lot of time waiting.
Waiting for the right weather (yeah, right it's like I forget that we live outside of Chicago). Waiting for a day when I don't have something else to do. Waiting for a day when all the laundry is done, the dishes are all put away and the jungle that is our landscaping is all primped and beautiful again. Waiting for Scott to magically heal and have enough energy to go with Kate and I. Waiting...

You're hearing it here first. I'm not waiting anymore. I broke up with waiting a week ago read about it here
And maybe I just needed time to heal from the nasty break-up so I could once again embrace life. I need to stop being so structured and just make things happen.

I've been hearing from a lot of my friends that I'm not the only one feeling out of balance as of late. I'm beginning to think that this early 30's age is a tough age, maybe the hardest I've been through. Does anyone remember the show "thirtysomething"? I was a little young to really understand the topics but I'm feeling like I would be able to relate to it really well right now.

Us "thirtysomethings" have all these relatively new responsibilities. Kids, mortgage, spouse, house and all it's maintenance, friendships, future planning. And I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one that still wishes they could have some carefree, "twentysomethings", moments. Going away for a weekend just because. Getting tickets to the Cubs game on the same day as going. Staying out too late during the week just because.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life. Being a mother is absolutely what I was meant to be in this life. But, I can't help but fantasize about being able to balance being a fantastic mother with being able to go for a Harley ride at 9pm just because it's beautiful outside.

I'm thinking by 40 life has settled and things are "easier". The mortgage and money stresses aren't new anymore. The kids are a little older and little more adaptable. Your relationship with your spouse is finally beginning to recover from the disconnect that happens when kids come into the picture. Things are just a little more settled.

So, I'm wondering all of you over 40's, am I right? Does it get easier? Well maybe not easier but just less of a transition.
There are a lot of us "thirtysomethings" struggling right now. Give it to us straight. We can handle it.

While, I'm waiting for the answers to one of life's many hard questions I'm going to make a list. A new list. An attainable list of all the things I WILL do this summer. I need more messy popsicles melting in the summer sun. More sand between my toes. More sun on my pale face. More smiles from my baby girl. More time with the people that really matter.
There is no tomorrow, only today. Live for today.

Allison  – (June 23, 2010 at 11:18 PM)  

Love you, B...pls share the responses w/ me...you know where i am at these days...
mwah!

Anonymous –   – (June 24, 2010 at 12:33 AM)  

Dear Brandi,I wish that I could tell you that life gets calmer,there is more time to pursue personal interests and it balances out.I would be doing you a dis-service.None of us know whats ahead of us so my suggestion is make time for whatever is your passion aside from family.Screw the dishes,dusting,etc.It will be there.Your true friends don't give a rats ass what your house looks like,they come to see you.You have an enormous load of responsibility now but use your supply of nervous energy and treat yourself every week to some me time.I don't have the life I expected to have at the age I am now.Circumstances beyond my control put me here and I adapted to it.Tomorrow is another day,hopefully a good one.Each decade brings its own challenges.Be true to yourself and let others help you if you need it.Love Nancy

Anonymous –   – (June 24, 2010 at 11:27 AM)  

I am spending the day with four wonderful grandchildren (only four). Does this help answer your question and concerns for the future. My life is just as hectic; if not more so. Would I change it--no. Would I go back--no. You might ask why. Well. because I do not want to redo all the things I already have done. Onward, upward and forward but not backwards. You just try to cherish what has gone and look forward to what is coming. Hopefully, all good but that never happens.

Kath  – (June 24, 2010 at 8:10 PM)  

When we get back from Michigan, we are going to kidnap you guys and go to Fair Oaks Farm!!

Anonymous –   – (June 26, 2010 at 3:29 PM)  

Hey Bran,
Understand how you are feeling. Wish I could get some answers myself. I start to plan some me time to go and do something I would love to do and get stopped by the guilt monster. Oh crap I should be here for my husband and my son, not going off because I feel like it. But I think a happier me is what the family needs and if that means going off then maybe it's okay. Don't know I haven't done it yet :0).

Love ya! Hugs!
Sere

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