Hiding

Somewhere deep inside I have this post brewing. It's coming to me in bits and pieces I've started, just to walk away. There are all these things sitting just below the surface waiting to be released. Gratitude, pain, fear, hopes.. all stirring just out of reach.
I'll wake in the middle of the night and I would swear that I had just spoken a sentence. The type of sentence that weighs on your tongue after you've said it. The first "I love you", a sad goodbye, or the first time you udder your child's name. A sentence that once it's said you know you won't be the same again.
In my conscious thoughts I can't find that sentence but I feel like my soul is searching for it.
I've blamed it on the pain, the lack of sleep, the overwhelming feelings from life. In the end though, I worry most that I'm too closed to find it. That the fortress I have built has finally reached it's ceiling and nothing, not even my feelings, can find their way in or out. I have to trust that when it's time, when I'm ready for that sentence, I'll be able to find it. For now, I must just be open enough for the words. The words will find me, they always do. I'm certainly not one to go without for very long.