Break Time

I'm taking a much needed break in the action. I've been running all day and 99% of yesterday getting things ready for Kate's Birthday Brunch. I'm not doing all that much for the party itself but my house was in great need of a major purge.
I've been through every one's clothes, through all the drawers, closets, etc. throwing away, donating and organizing. To quote my beautiful daughter "Mommy you're a really hard worker."No, I didn't pay her to say that.

The house is quiet except for my ipod playing some good tunes and the self cleaning oven heating things up. I'm doing a phenomenal job of avoiding.
I'm avoiding thinking about how much I miss him. I'm avoiding, thinking about how things would be different if he were here. I'm avoiding remembering the week before Kate's birth.
I had been miserably sick with bronchitis and laryngitis from being in the hospital for four days and my blood clots and pulmonary embolism had been diagnosed and I had been on treatment (shots in the stomach at 39 and 40 weeks SUCK) for a week. He was a rockstar. I didn't want or need for anything. My constant cheerleader, my shoulder to cry on, my faith that everything would be alright. I could not have gotten through those weeks without him. And now four years later he's gone and I'm left with a hole the size of China in my soul.
This fucking sucks.