One of those days

Ever have one of those days? Everything I touched today just seemed to break apart in my hands. It's really sad when a trip to the dentist is a highlight. Now, I do LOVE my dentist (and his girls) but I HATE going to the dentist. Know what I mean. More on that soon.

There are still important people out there that don't know about Scott's passing. I finally had to make one of those calls today. Six weeks later, it still sucks. In some ways its harder than it was in the days immediately following.
Right after your almost drunk. Things seem surreal, much of it is a blur. A huge, long, spinning, nauseating blur. Right after, you get used to telling the story. You spit it out like a programed robot. You accept condolences even when you don't really feel them. You do what you're supposed to because you don't know what else to do.
But six weeks later, there is no auto pilot. It's raw and the reality of what life is without them is screaming. No amount of alcohol could make you drunk enough to just go through the motions now. There is simply no escape.

Sharon  – (April 29, 2011 at 12:13 AM)  

Lots and lots of (((HUGS)))

BigDan  – (April 29, 2011 at 12:47 PM)  

totally know the robot part. you've gotten used to saying whatever phrase got stuck in your brain as the most seemly, but it is not really you talking.

our thoughts are with you. see you sunday.

Jay'me –   – (April 30, 2011 at 6:31 PM)  

Drugs and alcohol are for those weak in strength, shallow in friends and without things to live for. Unfortunately it's only the last thing that slaps most people sober, when it's too late. You have a diverse herd of friends that LOVE your very smart butt! Isn't it easy to understand how being numb might be easier and very tempting.
I'm sorry for your heavy sorrows and painful journey. I'm so glad you're able to be smart/strong for you and K.
Worse than any child labor with out drugs this pain lingers, surges, and wells up.
I can only imagine how endless this sentence is. No Judge or Jury to give you release date, It's a life sentence. Just time to figure out how to keep going. IT SUCKS ! I want to throw myself down and scream "it isn't fare" for you. You shouldn't have to go on with out Scott.
I will fall back into line and quietly walk along you in the "herd" now. I LOVE you & K...

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