Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

I've said that to myself over and over again today. Reminding myself to continue to soak up the moments around me. Taking an extra moment as Mark and I stood outside the funeral home to feel the sun on my back. Loving arms reaching down from heaven. Not hurrying Kate this morning when she sat across the room from me refusing to get dressed only to have her throw herself onto my lap and cry for her daddy.
These moments, even the hard ones, are important. It's important for Kate to have a safe place to feel whatever she's feeling and it's important for me to live in the moment, it's the single most important thing I learned from my life with Scott.

It was such a beautiful day here, I can't help but think of who we have to thank for that. I'm not the only one thinking it either. I loved popping on to Facebook at a stoplight (only while stopped) and seeing that I had friends thinking the same thing.
Kate and I even got a moment when we can home tonight to look at the beautiful moon. I knelt there beside Kate without a jacket and felt nothing but warmth. I told Kate I could see her Daddy's smile in the moon. She's not quite sure about that just yet but we're working on the idea.

My beloved Grams got here today. Picked up from the Amtrack train while I was making arrangements for Scott's services. One of Scott's dear friends Mark was with me. There was laughing, a few stories - some of them really inappropriate (my fault) and only a few tears (also mine). I know what Scott wanted, and I'm going to give him exactly that.

Scott wanted to be remembered in death how he was in life. No fuss, no frills, no drama. Some music, some stories and lots and lots of love.
Services are going to be on Saturday evening from 4-7pm at Querhammer and Flagg funeral home. While their name makes me giggle like a 13 year old boy (yes, I'm that juvenile) all of Scott's family services have been there and they have taken such wonderful care of us. Working with Abby from there was like seeing an old dear friend. While a little sad, it certainly helps getting through things a lot easier.

I want to personally invite everyone reading this to come to the service. We're going to be sitting, playing or listening to some acoustic guitars, having hot dogs (you'll get that story later), and talking about the moments that really matter in life.
There are so many of you that have become "internet friends" to our family. It's important for you to know that with Scott and I if you were an internet friend you were family. Doesn't matter if we've never met or if you knew Scott when he was 3, I want you there and Scott would too.

I've put off my next task long enough. It's time for me to climb into bed and begin sorting through the thousands of pictures and deciding what to include in the service. Other than the photos I pass on my walls, I haven't been able to look at a picture yet.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Anonymous –   – (March 16, 2011 at 9:20 PM)  

Your amazing cousin and i love you dearly. You are one strong women and you implanted that in Kate. Shes a very special girl and she will come thru this with flyign colors. Scott was very special to all of us. He will be missed greatly but he also showed us all so much. Be there soon to hug you an Kate. Internet ((((HUGS))) until then.
Love you lots

Kim  – (March 16, 2011 at 10:02 PM)  

I am so heartbroken... I'm still trying to figure out a way to be there. You're right, you have to live in every moment. Give Kate a big hug and then make her hug you right back from me. I for one cannot wait to hear the hot dog story.

Anonymous –   – (March 16, 2011 at 10:36 PM)  



mommara  – (March 16, 2011 at 10:57 PM)  

Thinking of you as you go through this next part of this journey. Wish I was close enough to bring over a drink and a hug. I think we shall have hotdogs sat in honor of Scott.

Anonymous –   – (March 16, 2011 at 11:22 PM)  

Praying for you and your family. I can't wait to meet Scott in Heaven one day.

Faren  – (March 17, 2011 at 12:49 AM)  

Oh how I wish I could be there for you and Kate. Just like mommara we too shall have hotdogs on Saturday in honor of Scott. Sending a lotta love and e-hugs y'alls way. You continue to be in my prayers and thoughts.

Jodi  – (March 17, 2011 at 6:36 AM)  

Hugs to you and Kate, Brandi.

We will be there in spirit with you and have our own little hot dog party, thinking of your family the whole time and taking in the moment like you've inspired me to do.

Anonymous –   – (March 17, 2011 at 8:33 AM)  


Marina –   – (March 17, 2011 at 10:04 AM)  

Please know you and Kate are in my thoughts today. We are sending you lots of hugs!

Rachel  – (March 17, 2011 at 7:06 PM)  

Brandi, I so wish I could be there for you! We're pulling for you and Kate from PA through prayer. You continue to amaze me with your strength. -Rachel


Carolyn  – (March 18, 2011 at 1:10 AM)  

I wish I could be there. I know you don't know me, but I'm thinking of you and Kate. Wow you are strong and amazing. You taught me something in this post, seriously, just not to rush my daughter in the morning and to cherish every silly second of her stalling to brush her teeth. Thank you. You are truly incredible. Hugs.

Care from SPN.

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