Loud

Laying on this floor its quietly loud.
The rain is dancing on the window outside. Threatening to lull me into a false sense of hope. Washing away the moments as they tick by.
The babies monitor a comforting blanket. The same bits of static that I've heard from my girls room for the past 3 years and 9 months. An occasional sigh of snuggled contentment escapes her offering me its love. Reassuring me that everything will be ok. The sun will rise in a few short hours and the loud quiet surrounding me now will be replaced by her laughter, tears and shrieks of joys.
The serenade of machines is almost deafening. The fan, the oxygen condenser all playing a perfect symphony.
There is even comfort in the struggled, unbalanced, restless breaths escaping from my husband. Reminds me of moments over a year ago when I would wake up to his snoring. Rejoicing some in the fact that snoring and now labored breaths, means he's still here. My eyes opening when there is a stop to the noise.
The incessant beeping from the machine that won't allow me to escape my reality has been unplugged. Turned off. I don't want to know. I can't change the course of time. It will march right ever me even with those flashing red numbers screaming at me to stop it. I cannot stop this, of this I am sure.
I don't feel alone. I know the sun is just off that horizon to the east. Until then I lay in my loud silence, staying present in the moment, hoping for peace.