Little Things

It's the little things that knock the wind right out of you. It's the bowl and spoon that was last used to cure your incessant need for ice chips. It's the bag of ice chips at the bottom of the freezer. The straw stuck in your last bottle of water. The shirt you wore when Kara took those pictures. The sheets and pillow that were on your bed.
And then there is your bed. The place you spent most of the last year. The place where we all snuggled, spending time together, telling jokes, sharing stories, playing play-doh. The place you last said I love you. The place where you took your last breath.
I had your bed taken out today. Tomorrow will be the rearranging of furniture to turn your room back into an office. I feel like you're leaving me all over again.
I know I have to do these things. I know I have to get this house back on the market and sold. It's what we talked about. It's what we both wanted.
I just have to remember that you are not there. You are in our daughters laugh. You are the way she will tell the same joke over and over again. You are in our hugs, our smiles, our hearts. I just really wish you were in our world too.

Jodi  – (March 25, 2011 at 8:40 PM)  

Oh, Brandi, that must be difficult. All the little things you forget about until you're looking at them...

You are right though, you do have him still in your heart... and in Kate! What a beautiful gift she is!

Colleen  – (March 26, 2011 at 7:20 AM)  

B, I can only imagine how difficult all of this is for you. I know that your sweet little girl will help you through these more difficult moments. thinking of you!

Nicole  – (March 26, 2011 at 2:18 PM)  

I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you. Love and hugs.

Anonymous –   – (March 26, 2011 at 6:06 PM)  

I'm (mostly) a lurker on the nest and I couldn't keep reading your blog without commenting. You and your gorgeous daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. You write beautifully and the love you have for your husband and your daughter is so very apparent. You've given her a wonderful gift by documenting all of this, and some day she will realize just how blessed she is to have such a smart, loving, strong mother. I don't know if you always feel strong. I don't imagine I would. But there are so many people who wouldn't have been able to do what you did. To love him the way that you did, to care for him at home...that is a gift that a lot of people don't get to have. I hope the days ahead are kind to you and Kate, and I hope you continue to see signs of Scott in all the little things. His mark on this world is clear.

Anonymous –   – (March 27, 2011 at 12:55 PM)  

I had no internet for a whole week, but the first chance I had to get online I came to read were witty. Thinking of you always and sending good thoughts your way :)
Robyn

Amy F.W.  – (March 27, 2011 at 7:27 PM)  

And as you know, he's with you. He's not part of your house, but part of you & Kate, so he'll go wherever you guys are.

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